Friends Season 1 Episode 1 Script a little bit

How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. You know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but.. Anyway, I just had to get out of there and I started wondering ‘Why am I doing this?’ and ‘Who am I doing it for?’ So anyway, I just didn’t know where to go and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in this city.

 

Who wasn’t invited to the wedding.

 

Oh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn’t be an issue. 

 

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She should not be wearing those pants. I say, push her down the stairs!

 

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So, Rachel what are you up to tonight?

 

Well, I was supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon… so nothing.

 

Right. You’re not even getting your honeymoon. God. No, Although, Aruba. This time of year? Hey, talk about your.. big lizards. Anyway if you don’t feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together with my furniture.

 

Actually, thanks. But I think I’m just going to hang out here tonight. It’s been a long day.

 

Oh, sure. Okay. sure.

 

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This was Carol’s favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can. I should have known.  

 

Ross, let me ask you question. She got furniture, the stereo, the good TV. What did you get?

 

You guys.

 

You got screwed. (Oh, my god.)

 

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You know what the scariest part is? What if there’s only one woman for everybody? You know? I mean, what if you get one woman and that’s it? Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one woman for her.

 

What are you talking about? One woman. That’s like saying there’s only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something. There’s lots of flavors out there. There’s …. You can get them with jimmies or nuts or whipped cream. It’s the best thing to happen to you! (divorce). You got married. You were like, what, 8? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon!

 

I honestly don’t know if I’m hungry or horny.

 

Then stay out of my freezer.

 

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‘Grab a spoon.’ Do you know how long it’s been since I grabbed a spoon? Do the words, ‘Billy, don’t be a hero’ mean anything to you? Here’s the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to ask a woman out… who am I going to ask?

 

ex)

Do the words, ‘I don’t speak English’ mean anything to you?

Do the words, ‘go away’ mean anything to you?

 

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Isn’t this amazing? I’ve never made coffee before in entire life.

 

That is amazing! 

 

Congratulations. While you’re on a roll, if you feel like you got to make like a western omelet or something. Although, actually I’m really not that hungry.

 

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That wasn’t a real date. What the hell do you do on a real date? 

 

Shut up and put my table back.

 

Ok. Alright, kids. I’ve got to get to work. If I don’t input those numbers, it doesn’t make much of a difference.

 

So, like, you guys all have jobs?

 

Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that’s how we buy stuff.

 

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I will not take this abuse! 

 

You’re right. I’m sorry. Once I was a wooden boy. A little wooden boy

 

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How are you doing today? Sleep okay? Did you talk to Barry? I can’t stop smiling.

 

I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.

 

 

You remember you and Tony Demarco? Well, it’s like that. With feelings.

 

Oh, wow. are you in trouble!

 

Ok. I’m just going to get up, go to work, and not think about him all day. Or else I’m going to get up and go to work.

 

Oh, wish me luck!

 

What for?

 

I’m gonna go get one of those job things.

 

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How did you do that?

 

You mean, you know Paul like I know Paul?

 

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Of course it was a line. 

 

Why? Why would anybody do something like that?

 

I assume we want an answer more sophisticated than ‘To get you into bed.’

 

Is it me? …….

 

I can’t believe you didn’t know it was a line.

 

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Guess what?

 

You got a job?

 

Are you kidding? I’m trained for nothing. I was laughed out of 12 interviews today.

 

You’re surprisingly upbeat.

 

Well, you’d be too, if you found Joan and Davide boots on sale 50% off.

 

How well you know me.

 

They’re my new. I don’t need a job, I don’t need my parens, I’ve got great boots boots.

 

How did you pay for them?

 

Credit card.

 

And who pays for that?

 

My father.

 

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Come on, you can’t live off your parents your whole life. 

 

I know that. That’s way I was getting married. 

 

 

…

 

 

The word you’re looking for is… ‘Anyway…’

 

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Well, that’s it. Are you going to crash on the couch?

 

No, I gotta go home sometime. 

 

Are you gonna be okay?

 

Hang on. Look what I just found on the floor. What?

 

That’s Paul’s watch. You just put it back where you found it.

 

Oh, boy!  All right.

 

…

 

You probably didn’t know this, but in high school I had a… major crush on you.

 

I knew.

 

You did? Okay. I always figured you just thought I was Monica’s geeky older brother.

 

I did.

 

Listen, do you think..? Try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of factors here. But do you think it would be okay if I asked you out sometime maybe? 

 

Yeah. Maybe.

 

Okay. Okay, maybe I will.

 

Good night.

 

Good night.

 

 

See you.

 

Wait, wait, hey, what’s with you?

 

I just grabbed a spoon

 

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Would you stop?

 

Was I doing it again?

 

Would anybody like more coffee?

 

Did you make it or you’re just serving it?

 

I’m just serving it.

 

I’ll have a cup of coffee.